i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
