Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
