New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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