I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
