oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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