Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
