just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
