U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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