evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
nutella sex= disaster
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
