4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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