I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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