I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
3pm strippers are depressing
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
