fuck your aforementioned shoe
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
