how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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