I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
