i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
