why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
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He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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