I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize