I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
