update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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