I think im going to throw up on grandma
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
