i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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