someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
