I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
