I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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