never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
