Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i out mim tonsoeep
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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