Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize