Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
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