You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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