oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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