mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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