I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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