I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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