We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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