I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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