Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
