I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
