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dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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