I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
