Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
