all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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