When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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