he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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