Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
