Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
