Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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