he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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