we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
