It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
