even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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