So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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