your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
