Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
