im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
