The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize