I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
