Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize