then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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