so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
