He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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