She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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