Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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