Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
