idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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