You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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