the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is Oprah even human
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
