someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
