bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize