I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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