i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
