I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
